Through reading about grief, reading other blogs, and my own discovery, these are the things that have helped me cope with her loss, even if only a little.
-Hanging huge pictures of her. We got big canvases of pictures of her made and hung up. I had to see her in our home everyday, and it was amazing how wonderful it felt once they were hung. I still spend a good deal of my time each day just looking at her.
-Writing to her. I had already bought a journal before she was born to write down all the cute things she did as she grew up, so that she could read it when she was older and know who she was as a child. So one day I just started writing to her, it was one of the first things that brought me a small bit of peace.
-My dog! If you do not have any pets before, I would highly suggest getting one as soon as you feel able. We have an adorable dachshund, and without sweet Ruby I don't know how I would get through each day.
-Finding creative distractions. I started painting or working puzzles, both things I had never done in the past. I also made a couple Christmas ornaments for her, something I plan to do each year.
-Lighting a particular scented candle for her. I chose vanilla, because they are pure and sweet...just like my wonderful baby.
-Setting goals, short term and long, of ways to honor her. This was really something my husband encouraged me to do, and I'm still working on it everyday.
-Connecting with other bereaved parents. Whether you know someone in person or you find blogs and forums online, connecting with other parents of precious angels is essential. There are forums at the MISS Foundation. And I said this in my first post, and I meant it...anyone who reads this can feel absolutely free to contact me through email or however to share your story or just talk, anything.
-My faith. I do believe in a higher power. And sometimes that leads to questions and anger, sometimes I am filled with love, but it always gives me hope. Hope that she is happy somewhere beyond earth, hope that we'll be together again, and hope that her life, however short, had a divine purpose.
-Singing to her. For a long while I avoided music because it made me too sad. But on a road trip to NC I started singing in the car, and I was singing to her. And it felt really good.
-Reading about loss. Reading blogs and books about loss makes me feel less crazy, and less alone. So far I've read The Bereaved Parent by Harriet Sarnoff Schiff and Empty Cradle Broken Heart by Deborah L. Davis, both of which I've found to help. And to linger on hot coals. READ to linger on hot coals. And one of my favorite blogs is 'a glow in the woods', found here. There is also Still Standing Magazine online, and they post amazing articles all the time.
Links
A lot of these are named through this page, but here is just a list of links to various sites and things I have found support in.
molly bears
miss foundation
still standing magazine
faces of loss
sufficient grace ministries
now I lay me down to sleep
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