feelings are just visitors, let them come and go

An excerpt from this article by Loni H.E.:

"Losing my daughter was the most horrific, earth shattering loss of my life.  I wanted the world to stop.  I wanted everyone to know how much it hurt.  As time went on and people moved on I found myself enraged at times.  How could anyone pretend things were okay?  How could anyone be okay when my daughter was dead?

As I processed my grief I came to the realization that I was wasting energy trying to make others understand my pain.  I realized that it's a pain they could never comprehend.  Trying to make them understand was like trying to describe the color purple to someone who had never seen it.  Impossible."

If I need to cry I will.

If I need to be sad, I will.

If I need to be fucking angry, I will.

If I need to scream, I will.

If I need to laugh, I will.

If I am feeling hopeful, I will be full of hope for a while.

And sometimes full of love.

Whatever happens through this grief journey, if I need to face it or feel it I will.  The last five months have been harder than I could have ever thought possible to get through.  And I don't think I have even faced the worst of grief, or gotten to the lowest point.  The pain in unexplainable, and I don't have to try to explain it, or try to make anyone understand it.  It does not matter what anyone else thinks, it is a journey, and I have to get through every obstacle and every horrifying feeling.  I have to allow myself to go through it, and try not to be hard on myself, even if no one else understands.